It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. There I was lying in bed next to my 18-month-old son and tears were streaming down my face. It started with the usual feelings as I stroked his rosy cheeks, the complete and utter disbelief about how he got here. Where did this baby, this 5th member of our family come from? But then I had a flash back to a night over 7 years ago. I was shopping alone at Target while my husband was at home with our (then only) 4-year-old son. I walked by the baby section at Target and just fell apart. I remember just wanting to lay on the ground amidst all those adorable baby clothes and booties and just cry.
My Secondary Infertility Success Story
You see, we had one beautiful son at home, but we had been trying off and on for 3 years for another one. I had been diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility disorder. Meaning, they had no idea why we couldn’t have another child. I always felt guilty for being so heartbroken about it. Like I knew that there were some people that couldn’t have any children and I wanted to feel sympathy for them and feel grateful for the child we were able to conceive.
But logic doesn’t really help when you are dealing with pain and hurt. All I knew is that I wanted a sibling for my son more than anything. I knew what it was like to be pregnant and give birth and hold that newborn baby in my arms and wonder if he looked like me (thankfully they get my dimples so I can at least claim that!). I knew heartache as I sat there watching my friends have 2 and 3 more kids after we all had had our first kids together. And I knew that even if we could get pregnant again that they wouldn’t be close in age like I longed for.
But yet, here I am, 7 years later and I have 3 boys. 3! How did that happen? I mean, I know how it happened. ;) With child #2, we went through fertility treatments. I took medication to get more eggs (to increase our chances they said- you already make one, let’s make more!). One month I only had 2 eggs. But they spinned and whirled and worked their magic to give us the best, most healthy “contribution” from my husband. No luck. Increase meds. Add injections. 3 eggs. 4 eggs. Nothing.
We discussed moving onto something more aggressive. I never thought we would ever consider doing IVF, but there we were going through the paperwork, discussing treatment protocols and making decisions about what we would do with any leftover embryos. But then, the nurse on my case sent me an email with the list of medications and the exact steps I would take to prepare for an IVF treatment. I looked at it. Stared at it, really. And then I heard God’s voice, clear as day. (And I never do, so I just knew). I looked at it and I said this is not for me. This isn’t for us. This isn’t the right choice for our family. And I was filled with immense, overwhelming peace. I called the nurse back (after sharing this revelation with my spouse) and said, we are going to pass. No IVF for us. I will try one more round of IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) and that is it. (It was December and our insurance was going to reset and we would have hit our maximum coverage for infertility treatments anyway).
The weird thing was, we didn’t have any back up plans. No, “if this 4th time trying IUI doesn’t work, then we will try _____________ next”. There was no “next”. But you know what? I wasn’t worried. I was actually hopeful and completely at peace. You know why? Because if God had cared enough about me to tell me that IVF wasn’t the best choice for me, than I didn’t need to worry. He had this. In fact, I remember having a motto during that time. My God is big enough. I used to get people in the alternative world saying things like, ”Oh, you aren’t getting pregnant because you’re gluten sensitive. Or you aren’t absorbing any nutrients. Or you have leaky gut syndrome. Or your ear lobe is crooked”. Okay, not that last one. But the things that they said made complete sense to me. I have fibromyalgia. IBS. Several previous surgeries. A long list of things. And any one of them could have prevented me (on some level) from getting pregnant. But I just started saying, My God is bigger than those things. I can get pregnant even if my body is sensitive to gluten or is inflamed or full of yeast or scar tissue or whatever the latest “issue” might be. I believe God is bigger and more powerful than those things. Now that I knew He was in control of this situation by telling me loud and clear not to do IVF, I had hope. So, it didn’t matter that we didn’t have a back-up plan after our last try.
Of course, we all know where this story is going. Last round of IUI before giving up (and after doing acupuncture and an exploratory laparoscopy), I got pregnant. And other than a few minor scares along the way, we had another beautiful baby boy almost 6 years after our first. We call child #2 our miracle baby!
Now people would assume that once you have another baby, you “get over” secondary infertility and that the sting and pain of it is gone. And while it has certainly lessened, it isn’t gone. At least for me. Some of the repercussions will always be there and will always make me feel loss. My kids are always going to be 6 years apart. My oldest son will have never had a sibling close in age to play with and bond with. And it may be silly to some, but as a mom who feels everything tremendously deeply, it still hurts me that he missed out. He still wishes for that, I can tell. I mean, he is grateful for his brothers (he prayed for brother #2 for almost 2 years after all!), but he is never going to connect with him or play with him as he would someone closer to his own age. And even all these years later, that still hurts and I still mourn that.
In fact, lately, I wonder if my oldest doesn’t get along better with his youngest brother that showed up completely by surprise 10 years later! Isn’t that the funny end to my story? My, “Where did you come from story?” After having 2 boys and knowing that 3 had always been my dream, but thinking that I didn’t want to go through infertility treatments again (with the anxiety and depression, taking those meds can be extra challenging), we weren’t sure we would even be able to have 3. Plus, with my fibromyalgia and other health issues, we knew I would have to be in a much better place for me to even consider being pregnant again.
And then, no idea when or how, it happened (well, obviously some idea! ;). My body certainly wasn’t in the healthy place I was hoping, and although we hadn’t ruled it out, we also hadn’t discussed it seriously because we knew that I wasn’t ready physically. But as usual, God laughs at our plans for timing and what we think our life and our family will look like! Even I have to laugh at the moment I realized I was “late”, because I was so sure there was just “no way” I could be pregnant! I mean, after all, if I couldn’t get pregnant with a doctor’s help and 4 eggs, than I certainly wouldn’t get pregnant by surprise!
I have to say, the news of baby#3 knocked me completely off my feet (I am a planner after all!) and there was a long list of things that had us concerned, but after 9 LONG months, we welcomed another beautiful baby boy into our family And yes, those of you who are wondering, I love having 3 boys. I actually cried tears of joy when we were told #3 was a boy also. It’s just what I know. But life with 3 kids? That’s a whole other story! I spend most days just trying to say afloat!
But when I am laying in my bed cuddling with this sweet, yet exasperating, 18-month-old boy, like I was this morning? You had better pinch me, because somehow, someway I am living the dream. It just came in a completely different way and TIME than I thought it would.
I am sharing my story because my goal with this blog was to be transparent and to encourage others to do the same. I feel like the world needs more windows in our brokenness. And when I was going through secondary infertility, there were people who didn’t even realize my pain or my journey. There are people who assume that if you already have one child, you can have another without problem! It’s not something they tell you when you are leaving the hospital with your first baby- that you might not be able to easily have another! (I always cringe now when I hear people planning the spacing of their children, you just never know what will happen!)
Anyway, I would love to hear your story as well. I know not all stories have the happy ending ours did and I don’t want to diminish your heartache. But rest assured, I have been there and love to offer hope that you just never know what might happen or what route you might take to parenthood. Also, while adoption wasn’t an option for us at that time (post for another day), I am also very interested in hearing those stories as well- especially foster-to-adopt and international adoption.
Lots of love to everyone in their journeys toward motherhood- I know it ain’t easy (and neither is this motherhood gig!) Feel free to send me an email through my contact page or PM through social media (in sidebar) if you have any questions or want to share some personal stories. I would love to pray for you through it all!
My daughter will be turning 5 in less than a month, and I am also preparing for my 4th IUI – I am hoping for a similar happy ending to a struggle with secondary infertility :). I know you’re living the reality of an almost 6 year age gap and I’m only imagining what it will be like, but I feel strongly that we’re all adults for a long time and as we age life gets more complicated and it’s so nice to have siblings by your side, and the age gap will be nothing when they are 25 and beyond. I’m so happy that things worked out for you!
Thanks for the kind words- and for the reminder about when they are older it won’t seem so noticeable so I need to not worry about it so much. The 4th IUI was my lucky one, so I will be praying the same for you! I know how hard it is to go through, especially as your daughter seems to be growing up right before your very eyes. Keep in touch and thanks for checking out my blog!
I am trying not to be a slobbering mess at my computer as I read this :). My husband and I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter and have been trying for baby #2 for 18 months. It’s not the journey I had pictured but it is the journey I’m on. Every morning I wake up and 1) thank God for another beautiful day 2) pray health over our future baby and 3) pray for a release from fear and anxiety. Your blog post was one answer to prayers today! It’s hard to find positive thoughts in the midst of infertility information, and your honesty yet reliance on your faith is a welcome change! “My God is big enough”. Yes, He is. Thank you for reminding me xoxo
Now I am trying not to be a mess! ;) How cool is that that I got to be used by God in an answer to prayer?! Thank you so much for sharing with me. I am so glad that my blog post was helpful. I will be praying for you in your journey and that you would grow stronger in your faith during this time. I have to admit that I have a hard time relying on faith on a regular basis, but that time in my life it was all I could do! Oh and I will pray for that baby too! =) Keep me posted. Thanks again!
i was doing random searches about secondary infertility and came across this post! It was totally the reminder I needed about God’s timing. It took us two years and after a surgery for me we were able to get pregnant with our daughter “the old fashioned way.” I was sure we had solved the problem and #2 wouldn’t be a problem, but we’ve been trying for about 15 months and just found out that the only way for us to have a child now is IVF. I’ve been very aware the past 15 months that we were just waiting for the “right time” according to our Heavenly Father. I have forgotten about that the past couple of weeks. I’m in the “feeling sad but feeling guilty for feeling sad” phase. I know I can be happy if my daughter is the only child we can ever have, but I’m also glad to have hope that maybe we are just waiting on God’s timing! Thank you so much for sharing your story! 5 months later it was just what I needed!
Oh and I am so glad my story helped encourage you! I know that feeling well, feeling guilty for not being content with just one. I think we know how it is to love one child and just long to lavish that on another! And then one minute you can feel grateful and content with “just” one and the next moment you are weeping! I knew that cycle well! Thank you for sharing your story with me- will pray for you and that your desires end up being God’s plan for your family! But mostly I will pray for peace whatever the outcome. xoxo
I’m so glad I found this blog. We are also going through secondary infertility. We have been trying now for four years. Doctors can’t find a reason why it’s not happening. We’re both “healthy.” Like you, God said “IVF isn’t for you.” After numerous failed IUIs, I’ve accepted that it may never happen, and have been doing “okay” with that acceptance, but lately, meeting so many new friends (military) with numerous children, and to hear them constantly talk about wanting more and being able to actually plan age gaps, I’ve been very down lately, but my God is bigger than this. I have hope in the Lord and this is all in His perfect timing!
Oh my gosh- I know that heartache of watching your friends have (and plan for) more and more babies while you long for that ease. I am so glad you connected with my story- I feel so honored that God has used me to encourage so many people! My prayer for you (other than another baby!) is true contentment regardless of the outcome. In fact, that’s a prayer for own life- contentment regardless of circumstances. It is such a struggle for me- I know I have blessings, but some days it is hard to see past the burdens of this life on Earth. Please keep me updated on your story- and thanks for stopping by!!
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 20 months. We have a beautiful daughter who’s 2 and we’ve always wanted a big family, or at the very least, a sibling for her. We have been struggling with recurrent pregnancy loss and have had 6 miscarriages since March of last year. It’s been horrible, but we keep trying to stay positive that God has a plan through all this. Doctors haven’t been able to tell us what is wrong, besides that I have a variety of autoimmune diseases that put me at higher risk for miscarriage. But I had most of those things when we had our daughter, so it’s so confusing to me how we got her here and she’s perfect and healthy. We’ve been through all kinds of testing and been put on medications and treatments and each time we’re hopeful, but it’s starting to wear on us. I was beginning to think that we’re out of options and am quite discouraged. Anyway, the phrase that stuck with me is “God is bigger than this.” I’m going to keep that one tucked in my mind as we decide how to move forward. We’re wanting to keep trying, but I just keep thinking, is this God telling me I’m only meant for one child here on earth. It’s heartbreaking, but I just hope I can find peace, no matter what happens with our family. Thanks for being an encouragement to me. I’m just so sad and it’s nice to hear people have a miracle. God bless you:)
My heart just breaks for you- it is hard enough to deal with secondary infertility, but then to also have so many miscarriages along the way. =( I can’t imagine what it is like to get your hopes up over and over like that. I am so impressed, though, with your desire to be seeking God’s will for your life, despite how sad you are. But truly that phrase got me through- God is bigger than all this. He can accomplish His will despite the circumstances. My prayer (other than a baby!) is for peace for you and a vision for what good things God has in store for your family (whether that’s a family of 3 or more!) So glad you found my blog- keep me posted!
this post has brought so much emotion to me but i am so tired of crying.i am hopefull baby no 2 will come.seeing a fertility specialist and going through the million testing.30 yrs old with a 7 year old son.we only trying for 3 years now.i was 23 when i gave birth to my son and wasn’t very keen on having more until he was almost 4 years old.i regret waiting so long to have another & waiting to consult a fertility specialist.you post has lifted me n gave me so much hope.thank you for sharing your experience.
I know what it is like to wish you had started earlier! I now cringe when I hear people planning their baby spacing because you just don’t know! I am glad you are seeing a specialist now and I pray you get some answers! I will also be praying for peace as you go through this- and of course, a baby! =) Keep me posted and thanks for sharing your story!
I have a 3 year old son and have been trying to conceive number two for nearly 2 years. I have had surgery to repair endometriosis and a uterine septum. It’s crazy what a miracle our son is, considering we had no idea of these issues when we had him. I am feeling hopeless. I have started acupuncture and am drinking crazy herbs. Thanks for the post.
So glad you liked it. I did acupuncture as well (twice- once it didn’t help and the second time I started it the day of the final IUI cycle). And yes, the herbs and the food and all that we will do to conceive- I totally get it! Praying for you and that you will have HOPE!
Hey there Shannon, Thank you for your story. I found it because i felt lonely.
I do not easily respond to blogs. English isn’t my first language so sorry for some mistakes. But now i wanted to respond because i know a little bit how to look at it about the age-gap in the future.
My only daughter also prayed for a brother or sister and now i am pregnant but its hard that there will be a gap of 7 years between the two. This is my fourth pregnancy and its my first trimester so fingers crossed. i comfort myself with the idea that there will be someone and in time they will be mentally the same age. I grew up with an autistic and low iq brother. He will never be older in his mind then 6 though he is 20 months younger than me. Now my girl is mentally the same age as he but i know that i will have good conversations with her when she will be older.
My 10-year older sister died a few years ago of cancer and i can talk about it with my 12-year older brother while my younger brother doesn’t feel anything. It will be fine for your kids even though there is an age difference. Enjoy your precious family!
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and share your story and your thoughts with me. I was just thinking about the age gap again tonight, how right now my oldest is closer to my husband and I, but I still hope that someday he will connect more with his younger brothers. I know all of that is just me wanting to control things- make my kids lives “perfect”, but that ultimately God is in control of their futures! It is so hard because I somehow feel like I failed them in the sibling department. Ugh, I didn’t realize that until I just typed it. =( I guess I need to keep working on letting things go and being grateful for the gifts I DID receive- regardless of when!
Anyway, I am already praying for your sweet baby, that all goes smoothly. Feel free to stop back in and keep me updated! =) Or you can email me at Shannon@JoyintheWorks.com if you ever want to talk to someone who gets it!!
Hey Shannon, it took a while, but i can tell you my baby is now 5 months and a healthy boy. My daughter and he sleep in the same room. We feel so blessed. We called our boy Felix. Which is simular to ‘the happy one’. I hope you are doing well!
That’s fantastic news!! Thanks for coming back and sharing your happy news with me!!
Thank you for sharing your story. It was very comforting to read. My husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old. We have been trying for a second child for 8 months now. Trusting in God’s timing can be difficult at times. ? Your blog helped remind me that He is big enough for any challenge and He has a plan better than my own.
I am so glad that God used my story to remind you of His faithfulness. I will be praying for you, as I pray for each and every mom that has posted on this article. Come back when you have good news to share! =)
I just wanted to say thank you for putting your story out there. It is always difficult to be vulnerable and bold. My son is almost 4. We’ve been trying for three years now to give him a sibling. Receiving that annoying little “reminder” every month that we were yet again unsuccessful, is heartbreaking, over and over again. It gets harder and harder to step back and be grateful for all the things we do have, in spite of what we don’t. Thanks for the reminder today that we are not alone in this.
I am so glad that you found this post and that it was encouraging to you. I know the heartbreak so well. I pray that you will one day forget that pain as you are holding a baby in your arms! Praying for peace for whatever life holds in store, though. Keep me posted!
Thank you for your story. I’ll try not to babble..I have so much to say and rarely get this off my chest because no one seems to understand unless they have gone thru it themselves. I had my son when I was 18, his father was abusive and I’ve raised my son on my own. He was not planned…and I was young, but he is such a blessing. I’m now 34, my son is 15. I’ve been trying to have another for over 10 years…sadly I’m at the point where I don’t think it will happen for me and I need to just move on and accept that. I do still have some hope, and pray that God will bless us with a baby. I want to have a chance to go through motherhood again, this time with a planned pregnancy. I feel as though I deserve that. I’ve been told that I had scar tissue on my tubes from endo, and have had 2 surgeries to remove the scar tissue and blockage on my tubes. The last surgery I had was about 5 years ago, and since then my tubes have been clear. In fact I just had an HSG done in 2015 and the fluid passed right thru. So I’m baffled. At this point, the doctors have no clue what the issue is, I’m told that I’m “healthy and normal”. Aside from suffering from some occasional cystic acne and having some painful periods (which I believe means my hormones are “wacky”), I don’t have any other complications and am a healthy person. I tried acupuncture for over a year, religiously every week and gradually to every other week. I’ve tried Chinese herbs. I’ve tried vitamins, I’ve tried eating healthy and working out, I’ve tried progesterone, nearly everything I can besides IVF (which is out of the question due to the cost and no coverage with insurance). Being that I’m approaching 35 now…I’m scared and feel like I just need to let go. I have a hard time getting excited for friends/family when they announce they are pregnant…my immediate reaction is that I want to cry. :( Why can it happen so easily for others and not me? Why do I feel like I am being punished? Then I feel like a horrible person because I shouldn’t be feeling that way when someone else received a blessing. But, these are the thoughts that go thru my head. I think every woman on here has a tremendous amount of strength and courage. I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug and say that it will be ok. This is one of the most painful things to go through. Love and blessings to you all. Thank you again for sharing your story.
I just want to thank you so much for sharing your story with me! Seriously, you have been on my heart and mind since I read it. So much stood out to me- but especially how you felt when other people got pregnant. Oh, would I cry every time someone else was pregnant again (I felt like I was being “lapped” or something) and just felt like it wasn’t fair (whatever that means!). I remember just being angry and thinking it was my turn, not theirs. Oh, do I get all of your feelings. And the feeling that maybe I need to accept it. It is the hardest thing to do, I think. Is there a way to gain acceptance but never lose a glimmer of hope? If there is, let me know because I think we could all use that about things we dream for in life. =) I will continue to pray for you and stop by with an update anytime!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Shannon. It has encouraged me to keep on trusting in God’s timing. I have been trying for a second one since my son (turning 8 in July) was 3. Have had a laparoscopy &and a laparotomy done was told i have endometriosis. I tried clomid in different doses and femara as well. When the side effects of clomid became too much for me i told my doctor i wasnt going to take it anymore and just kept on praying, telling God that He is greater than all the things i had tried. A few months later i got pregnant and everyone, including the doctor was surprised. Unfortunately at 20weeks i lost the baby and that was a test of faith for me. I felt like that was the end of the world for me. Fast forward 2 years later im now trying again, my doctor insists i must try clomid again but im dreading the side effects especially on my eyes. So now i’ve decided to change my doctor and hopefully God will give us another child because my son keeps on asking why he is the only one without a brother or a sister. He says he is praying for twin babies.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story with me. That is so heartbreaking. I am so impressed with your courage and strength to keep trying and trusting God through hardships. I am praying for you and your family! Keep me posted!
Your story is exactly what I needed to read! My husband and I have a beautiful almost-4-year-old that was born at 28 weeks due to a cord prolapse. We started trying for baby #2 in July of 2013 with only 2 miscarriages (and no baby) since. I am seeing a fertility specialist and had exploratory laparoscopy in November ’15. They found lots of endometriosis and removed an ovarian cyst. So, now I’m on progesterone hoping that we won’t need that next re-grouping session with the specialist to plan out next move. It has been an incredibly long road and your story is an inspiration. You are absolutely right-our God is bigger than every ailment or fault out there. There is no need to think that by eating a gluten-infested piece of bread, I will not get pregnant! Hogwash!
So, thank you for your words. You are inspiration to many of us out there struggling.
Thank you for writing, Emily! I am sorry I missed this before- it was marked as spam and I just happened to catch it! I am so glad I did. My heart is heavy when I read your story, but I am so glad that you feel like this post was the reminder that you needed. Honestly, I feel so fortunate that God would use my story to encourage others in HIS GREATNESS. I am praying for you and your family as you are on this rough road. My prayer is for your heart’s desire, of course, but also for your peace and continued strength. We Mamas push through the hardest of times, but I pray that you will find true REST!
This was so encouraging to hear! We got pregnant our second try with our first! I knew then that I shouldn’t take that ease for granted! Because he just turned 2 and we’ve been trying almost a year for #2! I remember cherishing every moment of my pregnancy with him, the good and the bad. I knew it wasn’t that easy for everyone, and now I know what both sides feel like. My dr said if we’re not pregnant by July, we’ll start exploring some options. I’ve been completely at peace since we’ve been trying, but it’s still frustrating when it doesn’t happen. Praying we can pregnant in the next few months.
I will be praying for you too! We also got pregnant on our second try the first time around, but I had no clue that just because it was easy once doesn’t mean it will be the next time! Anyway, thanks for stopping by, glad it was encouraging to read. Keep me posted! =)
Just got a positive pregnancy test after 11 months of trying! We were one month away from the “secondary infertility” diagnosis. I burst into tears and I have been praising God ever since! We were just about to take a break from trying…so glad we didn’t!
Yay!!! Praise God!! Thank you so much for coming back and sharing your good news!! I am so happy for you!! Praying for a healthy pregnancy for you! Come back and share pictures!! =)
Hi Shannon,
Thank you for inspiring me with your story. It is full of hope & faith in God, that He is bigger than anything we can imagine.
I need more faith, but I fail because I’m weak. I haven’t got much left of anything, I could literally cry at any moment. I hate that, I want to be strong & accept my reality and not want more… But I can’t.
I’ve had 4 miscarriages in the last almost 2 years. I have a 4 year old son, and like you, I wanted a sibling close in age. Please pray for me, my heart is so heavy… I need a miracle.
I am praying for you right now! I am so sorry I missed your comment- thank goodness God sees you even when I don’t! =) I am so sorry for the pain and hurt you are going through. Adding the miscarriages on top of the secondary infertility diagnosis must make it so much harder. All I can say is I will be praying for you! I was actually just going to post something about how I held onto hope during those years. Come back and look for it soon- maybe one of the tips will help you!
I was 25 & felt it was time to start a family. I got pregnant that very month & thought how easy this is. We has a beautiful baby boy, easy pregnancy & delivery, no problems at all. Three years later, we decided it was time for another child. …..nothing. Went to doctors, had a laparoscopically. Everything was fine. The doctors had no clue. Kept trying & after many very depressing years, we were resigned to having an only child. Then, ten years after our first baby, out of the clear blue, I got pregnant. Amazing! We had a little baby girl. Jenny was 11 months old & we were using birth control & I got pregnant again. I admit it was hard having two babies so close, but they were both normal pregnancies with no problems. We have two sets of children….an only child & our two little ones. The age difference worked out great….we had a built-in babysitter & now that they are grown, they are all the best of buddies. This whole thing is still a mystery to me. Back then they didn’t have the treatments they have now & the pregnancies were natural. Life is very unpredictable…..HAPPY ending!
That’s an amazing story!! Thanks so much for sharing it with me. I love to hear the encouraging words that they are buddies now too. Thanks for stopping by!
hello Shannon, i think you definitely achieved your goal of encouraging other women as you surely encouraged me and reading your story gives hope and positivity to couples around the world to keep trying.
Thank you for the kind words!
I am from Europe. We are trying to have our second child since 2 years now. Nobody talks about second infertility. My first infertility battle we won in the Kiev clinic Biotexcom. For only 30k euros we get all-inclusive package and guarantee that we will get our money back in case of 5 failure attempts. I should as many people said, just be happy to have one child. My doctor told me once that she knew a patient who had a child after 15 years. I should have been relieved. So I just changed my doc, and when he said without that I said something “I can understand your pain, each month again and again…” I just cried. My main pain is the age difference between my first child and a second one. I am afraid they won’t have anything to share. I feel guilty that Anouk is alone… I don’t want to go anymore in families of somebody is pregnant with number 2, 3 or even 4… I cannot. I am happy for them, but it just reminds me that I cannot give a sibling to my own child. I am just trying to focus on something else, to like my life such as it is right now… but it is difficult. I don’t even speak to people anymore, because they said things that I don’t want to hear anymore.
I am so sorry I missed this Caroline!! Thank you for sharing your story. Honestly, the pain of the age difference was the hardest for me too. I wanted to give my son a close sibling more than anything. And you are right, we heap so much guilt on ourselves that we are letting our child down or something. All I can say is (from someone who struggles with guilt and shame), that the guilt isn’t helpful, especially since it’s out of our hands! I also know how hard it is to hear of other pregnancies while you are still waiting. I remember a friend’s announcement of their 3rd just had me sobbing in the car, saying it wasn’t fair because it was my turn!
Anyway, praying for you- for peace and healing and that baby! Keep me posted!
Hi, I’m Cika, Im 37 this feb, I came acroos your blog and really felt encouraged, my 1st son is 9 yrs old, doctros tell me no.prob w me n hubby only had little prob, so i guess we fell under unexplained infertiliry categories. I hv no.prob conceiving my 1st son, but then i postponed i planned to hv 2nd one later for thw sake of perfect planning. Now i feel guilt n hopeless all in one. I Prayed n prayed n try my best to surrender all, but its not that easy. Please pray for me that i can stay strong and obey any will of God. Thx
I will definitely be praying for your strength and your story. Thanks for sharing what you are going through. I know it is so tough!
Goodness me I wish we all lived close to each other somewhere for support! After six miscarriages we had the perfect pregnancy/labour/birth and wee girl. She is coming up three and since then, we have not become pregnant again. Sadly living in little old New Zealand has it’s negatives, such as very little fertility support or specialists if you don’t want to do ivf (we are Catholic so don’t!). Every day I try hard to remember we have one perfect little miracle however it’s very hard when I look at her playing and know and feel so strongly that she needs siblings. *SIGH* Will just keep on praying/pleading/asking/negotiating…the list goes on when you are desperate! Kia kaha all (‘be strong’ in Maori).
Oh, I know how hard it is to look at the one you have and long for a playmate for them! Thanks so much for sharing your story and I hope you can find some support. I wonder if there is at least on-line support for secondary infertility? Would that help at all? I will definitely be praying for you!!
Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve been struggling with unexplained secondary infertility for over a year now and I really needed to hear these words. I’ve been praying for peace and contentment during what seems like a never ending wait, but it’s hard. Thank you for reminding me that God is bigger than all of this! And I’m so glad your story has a happy ending!
I am so sorry that I missed this Brooke! I love that you are praying for peace and contentment more than anything right now! That’s the hardest part, isn’t it? Anyway, I am so glad you were encouraged by my story. Thank you for sharing!
I stumbled across this blog after I was searching the internet for stories of other women in my position this morning after starting yet again another dreaded period. I am 36 and my husband is 37. We have a beautiful 7yr old daughter. It took us 2yrs almost exactly to get pregnant with her naturally. We have been trying for a second for almost 5yrs. We have tried clomid, and injections but no IUI or IVF. I just had surgery in March 2017 to remove endometriosis and a cyst and found out my left tube is blocked. My husband has been tested and everything is good with him. IVF is not an option for us, mainly for cost reasons and I just deep down in my heart believe we don’t need IVF. Since it took me so long to get pregnant with my daughter I always had this nagging feeling that a 2nd child may take a while but never imagined it would take this long. I too was worried about the age gap, and at times it still bothers me and I too cringe when people I know “plan” their pregnancies to be spaced perfectly apart. I have come to a point I believe where I am at peace if I never get pregnant, but I too every month try not to give up hope. When I read the part about how you kept baby clothes as a hope reminder and when you said “God is bigger than this” I cried and thought to myself, “she is so right” in fact I got out a couple baby outfits I have and prayed right then. I am beyond blessed and thankful for everything in my life I truly am, but after reading this I am not going to give up hope and I will pray for all of us that we get our miracle babies! I truly believe we will, in Gods time. Please keep us all updated on this site- I LOVE hearing other’s success stories! Blessings to all and thank you so much to all of you for sharing your stories. XOXO
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I am so glad my story encouraged you as I know that what works for some, doesn’t always work for others! I do love hearing success stories and more than that, people’s stories of peace through hardship because that’s what we are all looking for, I think. I will be praying for you in both respects and hope you come back soon with good news! =)
Thank you for your post, Shannon. I am appreciating all the comments too. It’s reassuring to know these secondary infertility struggles are real. Trying to get pregnant has been consuming me. I had no issues getting pregnant with my first 2 boys (7.5 and almost 5). But my husband and I feel our family is not complete. We are now both 35 and have been trying for baby #3 for 2 years. 3 boys would be awesome. I understand boys! But, my husband and I both feel that we will have a daughter. Every month it’s heartbreak. It took 6 weeks to get an appointment with a specialist. Diagnosis is simply unexplained fertility. Another delay is that my blood work came back and I can’t be treated til 30 days after I get the chickenpox vaccine, which I got yesterday. My insurance is already maxed out for the year which means we will have one (maybe 2) attempts at IUI before the calendar year resets. Like you, there is no “next step.” My husband reassures me that maybe we are supposed to just get pregnant the old fashioned way, and that God is teaching me patience. I am after all, a planner, and thought I had my life all mapped out. Your story helps me realize that prayers are not always answered on our timeline. It is true, God is big enough. He knows us, loves us, and He is the way through our trials. Thank you for that reminder.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I remember the heartbreak well and how it can become so consuming! I really struggled with trusting God through it all too, especially because I had plans for what I thought would be the best for me, our family, timing of kids etc. It is so hard to let go and trust!! Will definitely add you to the prayer list- keep me posted! =)
Hi Shannon
I would like to share a bit. I got married late to my husband and we are 41 and 47 and have been trying for our first child for 11 months now. Doctor said do IVF now or never. Husband has some sperms issues but not serious. We have researched and met with 3 IVF doctors and have found we are comfortable with, only to hear a small voice telling me am not supposed to do IVF. Husband doesn’t understand this and it has been super hard to obey and to tell him that I fell God doesn’t want me to do IVF. I feel that I break his heart.
Doctor said if I were to turn 42 he wouldn’t want to do the IVF for me anymore since success rate is dim and he has warned me.
I am struggling in obeying the little voice and just use my logic to go ahead with IVF. Please pray as am so afraid that little voice is not from God and am now not only fighting with infertility but with husband who doesn’t understand what it means obeying the little voice inside me.
Thanks so much!
Anna
Hi Shannon
Thanks for sharing your story! I have been searching for “God says no IVF for you” and bumped to this blog. I am 41 and husband is 46. We got married late and now we have been trying for 11 months. I am pretty much normal while husband has weak sperms but nothing too serious. Doctor said at this age, better start on IVF else it will be too late given the age. We have no financial issue and was so sure we were gonna go ahead with this. Suddenly a small voice inside this heart speaks that IVF is not for me. I am struggling to obey the voice as I believe it is God’s voice, and telling my husband who is not Christian who will not understand what it means hearing the voice of God. Moreover, I feel am running out of time. Please help praying for me and my husband for peace obeying the voice of God and for trusting the miracle indeed happens. Thanks so much!!
You are such an inspiration to other women out there, Shannon! I am glad that people like you are there, who share their stories which become really inspiring and helpful to the ones reading it. Brave lady you are! Warm regards!
No amount of thank u’s will ever b enough. I sit here broken with my almost 4 year old . We have been trying for 1 and half years and your story was me. U are me. Im crying as the words my god is big enough resonate. All my friends are pregnant I’m the only one who is “ broken”. This helped more than u know.
My daughter just turned 3 this past Thursday. We have been trying for a year and a half for a second. I had 2 chemical miscarriages in the past 6 months. So far I have only tried oral medication, but we will probably start injections next month. It is such an emotional roller coaster! How does one balance being hopeful yet not getting your hopes up? Last month I felt really at peace, but this month I feel like I’m falling back into a pit of despair. Prayers would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you so much for reaching out Ashlee! Sorry this one slipped by me! I know how hard it is to not fall into the “pit of despair” and while different things work for different people, I did write this awhile back about how I held onto hope: https://www.joyintheworks.com/how-i-held-onto-hope-during-secondary-infertility/ But I think it is truly different for everyone, as some of the things that helped me would probably make things harder for someone else! In my opinion, there is really only one thing that can give you true hope and that’s God and prayer. That time in my life was the time when I clung to prayer the most (one of the benefits of going through a hardship!). Anyway, I will be praying for you and your family, especially as you are moving forward in the process! Keep me posted! =)
Your boys will grow close even with an age difference! I am six years younger then my sister and although she wanted nothing to do with me as a kid in adulthood we became best friends!
My name is Sharon Quissa I am 43 years old from united state this is a true story of my life I am here to tell the world about the good work of Dr, Agumba has done in my life. I get married over 9yrs with my loving husband, since then I was having a serious problem of getting pregnant I keep on prying every day of my life that God should help me out of this situation my husband family wanted me to live there son since I couldn’t give birth to a child they called me all kind of names after so many years of my marriage my husband wake me up at 12 mind night and started telling me all sought of words that if I cannot get pregnant this year he will divorces me and I got confuse don’t know what to do so one day I was searching trough the internet I saw a testimonies of 45 years old woman giving thanks of how DR, Agumba help her to get pregnant with pregnancy spell. and I contacted Dr, Agumba immediately he told me not to worry that my problem is solve only if I believe that I am in the right place. After the spell was done, he sent me two different types of herbal medicine and told me to use it for seven days after the seven days I meet with my husband and i got pregnant immediately. I’m expecting my baby soon I’m so happy because DR, Agumba make me a woman today. you can also contact Dr Agumba his website address. https://dragumbasolutioncent.wixsite.com/spell or email dragumbasolutioncenter@gmail.com call /whatsapp +234903217388
thanks for sharing awesome story..
Dear Shannon
It’s such a wonder to chance on ur blog. And to find that I’m not alone in the world. This issue of secondary infertility has been bugging me for 2 years. My LO Is almost 3 and we have been trying unsuccessfully for 2 years to conceive another child. And u have made me feel less alone with all ur thoughts. Cos I have the same. Mainly the sadness comes from the guilt. That I cannot provide a sibling to my lovely little girl. For her to grow up with. I’m not sure if this guilt is imagined because in the other parallel world that I don’t live in, I hear of this term called sibling rivarly.
Every month I alternatw from anger despair depression to hope and then back to despair again when AF comes. What should I do. My husband is not open to intervention and I don’t believe that our bodies are able to do it on their own
My son is 3 now and i so despaired want him to have a sibling when he is four. And i want 3 kids, God willingly. I feel the pain for all who are dealing with infertility and I pray for them all.
I have seconarly unexplained infertility. I have 2 children far apart in age one is 4 and the other one is 13. I have always had trouble getting pregnant. I am now married to a great guy that has no kids of his own he checks out fine we both do so now were doing ivf. We did invocell first and it failed no embroys and all now trying ivf with icsi I am hope it works I want him to have a child of his own.
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